What do you mean, “Where have all the good ones gone?”
What about us, ladies? Where have we gone??? I have heard so many women complaining about today’s dating pool. I, myself, have attempted to dip my toes in the water since my own breakup and have done nothing but complain about my experiences. Rightfully so, it’s a complete nightmare. The world has lost its dating personality. I would love to put the blame all on men, but ladies, it’s about damn time someone other than your mother has gotten real with you. I will gladly take that role. I am fit to do so, because I am one of you.
When we fail to set the bar, we give men nothing to work for.
I am going to begin with expectations. How the hell do these fellas live up to acceptable expectations when there are none to begin with?? It sounds like having them is a crime these days. Why are we ashamed to say, “My expectations of a potential relationship is that one day, it will eventually lead to marriage?” or “I expect honesty, respect and a partnership from you.” Let me fill you in on something, when we fail to set the bar, we give men nothing to work for. A man, by nature, has primal instincts. He was built to work towards goals and hierarchy. So if you truly think that you’re doing him and yourself a favor by not establishing expectations up front, think again. The only thing you’re accomplishing is opening your life up to land a significant other who doesn’t like to follow rules. What type of man isn’t a rule follower? An irresponsible one. I don’t know about you, but I am sick and tired of irresponsible men. I, now, expect a man who isn’t too lazy to be a…..man!
A woman with clear values is confident enough to ask for what she wants and is secure in her decision if the result does not align with her values.
Next up on my list is something very important to me….values. Do we even remember what this means? Ladies….. stop being afraid of having values. During the course of my most recent relationship, I had plenty of time on my hands to evaluate my own values. I hadn’t given much thought to this, and at the time, my relationship was a reflection of that. In the beginning of a relationship, we have got to take more time comparing his behavior against our values. When your values are clear and concrete, it is easier to recognize when the two do not align. For example, let’s say your boyfriend expects separate financial lives and you expect him to take care of you while finishing your degree. If this is not shared up front, you are setting yourself up for an argument in the future that could possibly last a lifetime. Will you be willing to put his financial values ahead of your degree without resentment? A woman with clear values is confident enough to ask for what she wants and is secure in her decision if the result does not align with her values. This keeps your life open to actually get what you want. Can you believe that’s possible??
This relationship thing is a two-way street and if you cannot put out what you want to receive then its time to lower your standards.
This next topic is my favorite, integrity. We have a list of demands for the type of man we want but are we measuring ourselves against that same list? If I want a hard-working man who takes charge and is a leader, am I a hard-working woman who exemplifies the characteristics that would attract such a man? Are you ready to get real, here?? We can’t shop for million dollar dreams when we are playing on a dollar store budget. If you expect big things from him, ladies, you must be willing to offer big things. This relationship thing is a two-way street and if you cannot put out what you want to receive then its time to lower your standards.
For the first half of my life, I didn’t put forth the effort I was expecting. During the progression of my relationship, I began to implement in myself what I expected from my partner. I will be honest here, it didn’t pay off. Just because I was living up to my end of the bargain, didn’t mean he was going to immediately change. Why? Because when we met, I wasnt following my own advice. I tried not to expect more than what he told me he could give, I didnt have a concrete set of values to measure his behavior against, and I was not taking my own integrity seriously. You cannot land a man with these downfalls and expect him to be the one to change. Why?? Because YOU were the one who was not being honest with yourself to begin with, not him. I’ll tell you what I did do, however. I changed. I started honoring my values, I started committing to my expectations, and I am working on my integrity each and every day. Whether or not my partner decides to change with me depends on what he wants for his own life. I cannot change that, nor do I want to waste the energy that my life needs by focusing on his. As long as I am changing in healthy ways and I mean that much to him, he will be a man of noble character, respect it, and step up to that standard of man. If not, he will be blessed with another opportunity to find a partner who plays ball the exact same way that he does, as will I.
Relationships are under constant construction. The quality of them is completely up to you!
I am in no way, shape or form suggesting all women should become high maintenance million dollar dream chasers. I am not saying women should change who they are to please a man. I am simply saying that the quality of your dating life highly affects the type of man you are attracting in your life. If you want someone of high moral standards, you, yourself, have to have high moral standards. Over the last 4 years, I have studied the idea of a Proverbs 31 woman. She is a hardworking Godly woman with noble character, strong morals and values, respects her husband, shares endless amounts of love, and nurtures herself and her family. She is the epitome of what I want to be and, personally, I believe, attracts the type of man I want for my own life. He is a Godly man of noble character, who takes care of his family, respects his wife, invests in her, and protects his household at all cost.
If you are single, ask yourself, am I holding myself to the same standards that I am holding potential partners to? If not, how can I change this? Same goes to my married gals! If you are constantly harping on that husband of yours, are you acting on your own wishes? Do you expect the same thing of yourselves??
Relationships are under constant construction. The quality of them is completely up to you! The first step is to get real with yourself!!
Sweet child, be free.