Your Vibe Attracts Your Tribe.. Why Do Women Feel The Need To Out Do One Another?



Why does it seem that the world of women has become more competitive than ever?



I have been struggling for clarity in human relationships a lot lately. To be frank, the modern dynamics of female friendships. I tend to be an “over sharer.”  I share all of my faults and sins upfront in hopes that when they surface, they will be a lot more likely to be forgiven. I share them so that people can see that I acknowledge my downfalls, but that I am, also, diligently working to improve and praying about them daily. I share these parts of myself in hopes that I attract equally humble human beings. What I have noticed lately, however, is anything but. There are a few people reading this that knows the dynamics of the most important female relationship in my life. Because of that relationship, I long for healthy, Godly female relationships that are encouraging, forgiving, and positive.


The dynamics of female friendships have changed dramatically and it is a saddening ordeal. I am no expert in the matter, but I want to share my thoughts.. I think that we have become so consumed with holding our own in a “man’s world” that we have incorporated “survival of the fittest” into our female relationships. We have become so obsessed with keeping up with the Jones’ that we are constantly trying to “one up” each other.  Why? 


Life is hard enough. The last thing we need is to rip each other apart.



Is it really too far fetched to believe that each woman has a special gift to give the world? Are we so afraid that our friends’ God given gifts are better than the one’s God has gifted us?? Do we even know or understand what each of us have to endure to bare these gifts?? Can we not celebrate each others gifts?? I am SO tired of sharing my imperfections with women who are supposed to be friends, only to have them to use against me. Even more so, I am tired of attracting female friendships that I feel I have signed up to compete with… the kind that I show up for, yet never seem to have the time to show up for me. Proverbs 27:17 says, “As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.” To me, this means we strengthen each other, lift each other up. We do not tear each other down. We do not look down on each other for having more or less than the other. We don’t try to compete in conversations or make each other feel inferior.


 A few weeks back, my boyfriend and I were eating at a local restaurant. A woman walked out of the kitchen, and I (as a sinner and hairstylist) almost said something negative about her hairstyle. Lately, I am working on taming my tongue and I caught myself before the words came out of my mouth. My following thought went a little something like this, “You know, its hard enough being a woman in this day and age, much less a woman who is a business owner. Life is hard enough as it is. The very last thing this woman needs right now is some stranger sitting in her restaurant criticizing her choice of hairstyle.” I was so proud of myself, because I feel God tugging me towards women’s ministry and all I want to do is learn how to be equally forgiving of others as God has been so forgiving of me. In order to do this, I have to learn how to love as he loves.


Spend less time competing with one another and more time encouraging one another.



My point in sharing this story is because we are all flawed in some form and fashion. We are all gifted in some form or fashion. If we spend more time cheering each other on, teaching each other in a humble way, and exemplifying forgiving, graceful, ladylike character with each other, maybe we wouldn’t feel the need to compete with each other because we will be too busy loving each other. If we’d be less busy trying to out do one another, we could spend more time helping each other get to the next level in our own personal and professional endeavors. I don’t want to be friends with someone who makes me feel like I can never measure up to their level of perfection. I do not want to be friends with someone I can’t be flawed around. I do not want to be friends with someone who constantly makes me feel less than because their sin looks less wrong than my does. I want imperfect women in my life that reminds me that I am still loved and worthy, as I want to do for other women.


“For those who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those who humble themselves will be exalted. Luke 18:14



I want imperfect friendships with imperfect women who are humble enough to know we have good days and bad days. I want imperfect friendships that try to understand my level of brokenness, not try to compete with it….because let me share something, the level of brokenness that I am healing from is not something I would wish on my worst enemy. It is heavier than anyone can imagine and all I want and need in my life right now is love. All I want to give right now is love. My prayer today is that God guide me in leading women with courage, dignity, and humility; women who are flawed in flesh but desire the divine.


If you are starving for female companionship that is honest, loving and not judging, start with yourself, the spread the love as far and wide as you can. Love is the only God given gift that we ALLhave in common.

Sweet child, be free.

Love, D



2 thoughts on “Your Vibe Attracts Your Tribe.. Why Do Women Feel The Need To Out Do One Another?

  1. Thanks for the insight. If we believe that we’re all connected, then by criticizing another woman, we’re criticizing ourselves. The wonderful thing about female energy is that it can be used to bring each other together–a much better way to serve our higher purpose.


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