You guys will never guess what I just did……..
I can remember as far back as 20 years when my sister-in-law said, “You need to write a book.” At the time, I had no idea that I had a niche for putting words together. All I had were untold stories hidden in my soul that seemed so unfair, but they were, in fact, my reality. I could very well fill up an entire book on the chaos that has surrounded my life. It’s a wonder that, at 37, I am as tired as a grey haired woman rocking in her front porch rocking chair. Though that book is burning inside of me, I know that I am being called for something so much bigger in women’s ministry. I am on a one woman quest to understand the path God is leading me to.
Dont mistake God’s patience for His absence. His timing is perfect, and His presence is constant. He’s always with you! Deuteronomy 31:6
I have had many critics while figuring out my life’s destiny. I could only imagine what my relentless search has looked like to others, so I cannot judge anyone for judging me during this process, as I have judged others, as well. However, none of us should ever judge someone else’s journey. In my case, I am just now, at 37, getting to the core spirit of who I am. It has taken a lot of work and “reparenting” the broken parts of my childhood to repair the areas that shaped who I became later on in life. It’s a wonder that I have been relentlessly searching for meaning. There has been an empty space in the center of my core self that I was unable to connect with to guide me to the place I belong. I am approaching my year anniversary in therapy and it brings tears to my eyes just thinking about how lost I was on that very first day. My heart overflows with completeness when I think about how my healing could benefit other broken women. There is a God centered connection that I have when I think of what I could bring to women’s ministry. It is not just a desire, it’s a conviction unlike anything I have ever experienced. I still have so much to work on but I am more ready to commit my life to becoming a light for other women than ever! I am ready to lift my life up to God to become completely selfless for the healing of other women.
I began exploring this call through Toastmasters this year. The club lead me through my first set of jitters in speaking and gave me the confidence that I needed to begin. I am so appreciative for the club curriculum, but, unfortunately its focus was not directed to the specific area that I needed to do God’s work. I know in my heart that if I am going to make an impact in other women’s lives the way that I am called to do, I have got to surround myself with church leaders who can support my spiritual walk and hold me accountable in the areas that I need the most help. The responsibility that I am willing to take on is huge. Because of this, I will need people in my life who have to uphold their own selves to the same level of standards that I will have to hold myself. Since my parting with Toastmasters, I have been feeling somewhat discouraged in where to turn next. I know I am being called to women’s ministry, but I was feeling left with the burning question….what now?
The Lord says, “I will guide you along the best pathway for your life. I will advise you and watch over you.” NLT, Psalm 32:8
If I lived in a bigger city, this process, probably, wouldn’t feel like such a daunting task. In smaller, southern areas, however, there are not many options when looking for educational opportunities to grow in areas outside of a traditional workforce related college setting. For this reason, I have researched every avenue for answers, including christian women’s conventions. If this tug felt small, I would just begin to start hosting small groups with my church, which I intend on doing as soon as I am allowed, and go from there. But this is different. Guys, God brought me to the mountains…. ALONE. He is consistently sending me messages through scripture and “coincidences” that are undeniable…even my family is starting to see it. It’s impossible not to feel big feelings about this experience.
During my exploration process, God has been working in other areas of my life, just as He promised He would do when I went camping. As I have mentioned before, my significant other has recently pursued his own relationship with God. Studying the Bible has become almost a nightly routine in our home. This has either deepened our connection or has given him patience while thinking I have completely lost my mind! Either way, it has given him the tools to become incredibly supportive in my quest. His new walk in his faith has allowed us to discover a church where we equally feel comfortable in exploring God’s plan for our lives. As I have also mentioned in a previous post, we are completing Growth Track, as well as being baptized together next month. Jacques and I have talked a lot about the direction I need to pursue in women’s ministry. He sees how passionate I am about the work that Lysa Terkeurst is doing in this particular area, and he understands how much I relate to her vulnerability when teaching God’s Word to women. Matter of fact, he recently surprised me with tickets to attend her Word Alive conference in Houston with my best friend in a few short weekends! After all our struggles, thank you, Lord, for working in my Boaz, because I desperately needed his support in this moment.
Then I heard the voice of the Lord, “Whom shall I send, and who will go for Us?” Then I said, “Here am I. Send me!” Isaiah 6:8
This past weekend, at Growth Track, I heard a word that I had never heard. Our pastor simply said, “If you are being called to ministry, get involved in a seminary.” So, of course, you know what I did! I went straight to my computer and began researching seminaries near me. VOILA! There it was, in black and white! All the guidance and classes that I needed to begin learning all I needed to learn about women’s ministry! There are degrees for this people!!! Who knew?!?!? I knew there were Bible colleges, because I have been looking into this for a couple of months now. However, I had no clue that there were programs specific to majoring in women’s ministry, christian public speaking, and christian writing. Even though I will be the one paying for this, I feel like it’s Christmas!!
This morning I took the first step to begin online studies in theology and I cannot be more excited to see what God has planned for this journey!
If you are being called and have no idea where to start, I encourage you to take the smallest step to begin your journey! Whether it is getting on your knees to ask for help, reaching out to your pastor for help as I did….DO IT!!!! Wherever this may lead, you will be closer tomorrow than you were today!!
Sweet child, be free.