The Self in Cleansing


There I was. Irritated. I had been working so hard on taming my words, yet here they were flying out of my mouth like I had never made an effort. This is, by far, my biggest flaw and, in that moment, it seemed as though I wasn’t equipped to conquer it any time soon.

The Sunday after I failed miserably, our pastor’s words hit home. That’s when I realized I am suspended in an uncomfortable space between my old self and the spiritually mature self. She is the self in cleansing. She is living in the divine space where the ashes of old are sifted through to polish and refine what’s buried beneath. It is in this place where she must truly be still and allow the purging of her surroundings draw to completion. The self in cleansing undergoes this purification process to be redressed in a more Christlike patience. She is to rest in an unfamiliar stillness and loosen her grip on unfulfilling dreams she desperately clung to for an identity that can only be found in Christ.  This is where God arms her with grace and understanding while relationships and things she invested time, love, money, and energy in dissolve. The self in cleansing is the stage where we are practicing the art of letting go with integrity. It is the stage of refinement.



Once the beauty of these words settled on the screen of my computer, God revealed a similar process to me… the refinement of gold. In order for this valuable metal to be made pure, it must be extracted from the earth as ore, crushed, then processed depending on its nature. For example, higher grades of ore require a more extensive level of processing than lower grade. Then, according to, the actual refinement process of gold happens when impurities are stripped through melting in high temperatures, treated with chloride, then passed through an electrolytic cell which results in 99.99% pure gold. In other words, it takes an extreme process to bring gold to its pure state to make it a metal of obscene value.


Isn’t it amazing how similar that sounds to a person who is spiritually maturing in their relationship with the Lord? The ugly effects of sin, such as anger, has to be extracted from our heart. Old plans are crushed to reveal a bigger picture that leads to the spiritual maturing process. The extent of maturing needed is dependant on the nature of our brokenness. Then, refinement happens when we are suspended in extreme conditions, where we are required to sit still while God purifies our lives as new christians! I feel like my job right now is to sit still without saying a word, let nature take its course, whether good or bad, and let God remove all that doesn’t line up with the integrity of my life as a new Christian.  I believe so many people avoid taking those first steps because it seems like so much work. Truth is, it’s tons of work! But what is our other option?? Staying stuck in a ridiculously difficult, meaningless life that requires three times the effort to struggle through while sucking every bit of energy that we were meant to use to love others? Dramatic? Maybe. But we all must understand that the most valuable element of life can be found at the end of refinement and cleansing… a Christlike peace in trusting God is waiting for us! That is what true happiness is!

The more I learned about gold, the more intrigued I became. I wanted to understand where this precious metal was first found. So, I buried myself in an article from ZME Science where I was introduced to the theory of how gold got to Earth. It said that about 200 million years after the formation of a pretty important planet, meteorites loaded with incredible metals plunged onto its surface. Molten iron sank to its center to form the core of what we now call Earth… the only planet, that we know of, in the universe that is home to life29D2A57D-58CD-4E0F-9DCF-898D50D7AB0AWhile reading about this theory, I, also, found out an interesting fact! Gold can match the human body’s temperature when worn as jewelry! Think about this… the earth’s most valuable metal lives at the core of the only place God’s most valuable creation exists. Like people, gold becomes moldable under extreme conditions and, if worn, it can actually coordinate its temperature to become a physical part of us. 


According to, “Gold’s chemical stability is based on the relative instability of the compounds it forms with oxygen and water.”  As I dug deeper to understand why God would want me to dissect this process, I had a revelation. I began to think about how environmental and social elements throughout my life effected my emotional, mental, and spiritual stability. I began using my words to defend myself when I was very young. Taming my tongue is going to be my biggest battle and God is removing impurities from my life so I will be less tempted. Patience is required on my part, and, obviously, I was going to need a lot of it. I have known for quite some time that my life was undergoing some kind of major transition. Now that I understand that God was bringing me closer to His plan, I see the insability effect of gold happening in reverse in my life. I am witnessing the destruction of environmental and social elements of my life that do not align with scripture or His assignment on my life. Doing this research made me realized the self in cleansing is a necessary process of refinement that will eventually expose the most valuable trait that will be most useful for leading others closer to God’s mercy.

Lord, I ask that you watch over me during this season of purification. Give me the wisdom of discernment while you remove what’s necessary from my life. Help me to forgive others as quickly as you forgive me. In your name, I pray. Amen.

Sweet child, be free.

Love, D



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